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I am currently reading The Gifts Of Imperfection by Brene Brown and enjoying it thoroughly. This exploration into the journey of Wholeheartedness has given me many ‘aha’ moments, lots of nodding along in agreement, sections that have challenged how I see myself as well as parts that I re-read and meditated on to reflect on my own life. I am yet to finish the book but I also did not want to rush my way through it so I have chosen to focus this assignment on one of the first elements of Wholeheartedness that Brene writes about – compassion.

In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene Brown quotes an American Buddhist nun Pema Chodron in her book The Places That Scare You – “When we practice generating compassion, we can expect to experience the fear of our pain. Compassion practice is daring. It involves learning to relax and allow ourselves to move gently toward what scares us.” Normally, in daily life, I would move away from fear and discomfort, to protect myself from the need to be vulnerable. Since reading the chapters on compassion, I am more aware of this shift that has been so natural for me in the past and I’m questioning it more. What would happen if I relaxed? What would happen if I was less judgemental in this situation? What would happen if I no longer had that need for control? It is interesting to take the time to question my ‘normal’ response and move with more mindfulness and less fear.

I found the link between boundaries and compassion especially interesting. I’m a yes person – yes I can do that for you, yes I’ll volunteer for that, yes I’ll take on that extra class despite the fact that I need to rearrange my life to fit in it. This, in turn, left me feeling resentful and used despite the people round me thinking I was a lovely, accommodating person. So I have started, very slowly, to set a few boundaries, not volunteering to sell raffle tickets, not going along to non-compulsory staff workout sessions that didn’t interest me. And although a few people were taken back when I said no, it felt good to not have a commitment in my life that I regretted and has allowed me to focus instead on the things I have willingly committed to.

The separation of people and their behaviours is a concept that I have tried to implement with my children from very early on. They are not bad but their behaviour or their decision may be. By reading this book, I understand that this knowledge needs to be extended to all people in my life, not just my own kids.

When I am doing my own yoga practice, the cultivating of self-compassion is now ever present. The striving for the perfect pose, to look the way others do instead of feeling my own pose, has dominated my yoga practice for many years. When Brene Brown wrote about “shame being the birthplace of perfectionism”, my immediate response (and one that is common from reading further) was ‘oh but I don’t have shame”. Pulling down my wall of perfectionism has most definitely left my shame exposed and identifying the difference between perfectionism and striving to be your best was very important to me. It was difficult to turn down that egocentric part of my mind and turn up the ‘you are enough’ part but my practice feels so much more “me” when I do. I love the quote from Christopher K Germer “A moment of self-compassion can change you entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life.” Here’s to creating lots of such moments.

In my yoga teaching journey, I believe the teaching point of compassion can be summarised by common humanity – ‘recognising that suffering and feelings of personal indecency are part of the shared human experience’. Beginning the class with an authentic personal antidote is a genuine way to connect with my students. It shows that I’m human, I’m not perfect and there is no expectation of perfection during the class. Encouraging a feeling of non-judgement, both of others and yourself, throughout the class gives my students the opportunity to tune into a bit of compassion, a taste of Wholeheartedness. The quote from Anna Quinlen that Brene Brown also used in her book – “The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself” – is stated so beautifully and I have used it as a theme in a few of my classes.

The Gifts Of Imperfection is resounding quite significantly with me at this stage of my journey. I find myself talking about it and the concept of Wholehearted Living in my classes as well as with family and friends all the time. I know this will be a book that I refer back to often, quote regularly and remember forever.

By Imogene England (Yoga NRG Teacher Trainee from Gladstone , Imogene is currently completing her Level 1 Yoga Teacher Training Program with Yoga NRG)

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