My first ever Yoga class was quite comical. Picture 30 beginners crammed into an oddly shaped room, looking confused as the instructor lead the class without looking up once. There was a lot of self conscious giggling, eye rolling and “you’ve got to be kidding” muttered under people’s breath as we attempted to twist our bodies and the instructor effortlessly manoeuvred herself into some weird and wonderful positions.
But little did I know that many years later, yoga would be the very thing that helped me discover who I was.
Intrinsically, I was drawn to yoga, without even realising it at first. I thought that to be well rounded I needed to tick off some stretching and meditation and yoga would do that.
I felt that I needed to feel calm in a crazy world (something I was terrible at) and I thought that just turning up to a few yoga classes now and then would sort that out quick smart.
Fast forward 20 years and I have realised that yoga is so much more than just turning up and completing some asanas. No, I have not taken up wearing all white, grown dreads and started only speaking in harmonious tones. I have, however discovered so much that I didn’t expect to find.
My health hasn’t ever been this stable. My medical file is 2 inches thick, most of the issues that I have had, have been stress related. Since practicing yoga consistently for the last 18 months I have visited the doctor for check ups only. I have not had any major auto – immune or hormonal disruptions to de-rail my health.
So, if someone asked me “Does that mean Yoga is a cure for health ailments?” I would most definitely answer “NO! ….. That’s not Yoga’s only super power!!”
My self esteem has always been on the low side. I have never had the confidence to stand up for myself or what I thought was right. I was under the assumption that it was always better to be a agreeable and / or quite. And although you wouldn’t think it, yogic thinking certainly challenged this in a big way. Not only was I suddenly faced with the prospect that I could stand up for myself but that I most definitely should out of self love. As my physical strength and fitness gained, my mental strength, self love and mental clarity did too.
There has always been this feeling of being drawn to this and practising consistently has given me an understanding and a feeling, that this is exactly where I should be.
As cliche as it may sound, a consistent yoga practice has opened my eyes to a more mindful way of living. Whilst I was always hyper vigilant about caring for others, I lacked immensely in self care but being mindful of how I use my energy has calmed my anxiety.
Without yoga my husband jokes that I am crazy…. And he’s not really wrong! Without my practice I become short tempered, stressed, worried, and unhappy.
Everyone has a “go to” ritual that helps them get through the stressful / monotonous parts of life. Some people drink, some take a bath, some people watch copious amounts of Netflix and some people do some downward dogs.
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My kids and my husband have reaped the rewards of a calmer mum and wife. Our busy hospitality business has benefited from my practice as well, as it has changed the way I work. I now approach my work in a calm methodical way and feel less overwhelmed.
But the journey to this way of thinking hasn’t all been smooth sailing. Everyone thinks they have their opinions and values nailed down, until they are challenged.
There was a time in my life where I couldn’t understand how people got by with so little. A few Yogis I have met in the past lived minimally, with very few possessions and wanted for nothing. Having grown up in western culture where people think possessions equal happiness, this contradicted everything I knew. But what struck me the most by meeting these people, was that they were blissfully happy. I came to the realisation even more deeply when I spent a few years travelling and couldn’t possibly have had too many possessions. This time was some of the happiest years of my life. I was not bogged down by owning things, by constantly comparing myself to others. I felt completely free. Yoga has given me a broader perspective. I feel like I not only understand myself better but I have an understanding of why other people behave in a certain way.
Mindfulness and the Kosha’s has given us a “way to live” if you like. A way of trying to find some balance in our world. While not everyone feels the need to live by some rules, people naturally need routines to get them through life. These routines for better or worse can either help or harm. I feel as though the journey from non yogi to a yoga convert has been mostly about boundaries. I have learnt what my physical boundaries are and what my body is capable of.
But further, I have learnt that within my relationships I have needed to set some boundaries, either by saying no more often or not settling for being treated in a way that I wasn’t happy with. In a metaphorical sense I like to think of my Yoga mat as my boundary.
A place where I get to decide what happens, I get to decide how I want to feel, I get to set intentions and a place where I get to be me.
Whoa!!! That escalated into some touchy feely stuff, very quickly…. BUT at the risk of sounding like I have jumped on the yoga band wagon – I do feel as though I want to convert people. I feel like I could go door knocking and try and sign people up for this way of life. Yoga is not a sport or a thing you just do, yoga is not a persona you adopt, it’s benefits are all encompassing and life changing in the most positive ways.
”Through this self development comes knowledge and with that comes a great deal of self worth.”
My yoga journey has given me something intangible…. A love of learning and the realisation that in every situation, no matter how good or bad, I can always learn something new, on and off the mat.
Namaste
Bec Conway (Port Macquarie Yoga NRG Teacher Trainee)
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